Sometimes (read: often) we want things NOW. We ask God for something and we expect it on our doorstep or to manifest in our lives soon, because.. He’s a good God right? Our culture today is so instant that maybe it’s distorted our idea of God’s timeline.

When Asa was born and the first week of his life unfolded with a terminal diagnosis of Trisomy 18, we went to God. “Jesus, please heal our baby”. After the blood results came back that he didn’t have Trisomy 18 like they suspected, we said “Asa is healed!” We truly believed that God had healed him to 100% “normal baby” and that we’d be on our way out of the hospital and home in no time. Asa’s health hadn’t improved, but the fact that a terminal diagnosis was off the table was enough for us at that moment.

I remember a sweet friend who also happened to be one of our nurses in the NICU responding to a post of us proclaiming “Asa is healed”. She simply said “One day at a time, buddy”. Her comment annoyed me. It bugged me because I wanted him healed now, not whenever the end of “one day at a time” was. I wanted to hear her faith for an instant miracle. But she was right. She knew much more than my naive, shocked heart knew about these things.

[Side note: Hooray for the instant miracles! We’ve all seen God do some amazingly powerful, instant ones, but we all don’t always get those. I’m speaking to those of us who get the “one day at a time” miracle.]

As the weeks progressed we found a diagnosis: Saethre-Chotzen syndrome. Did God swap out these syndromes? Did he have both from the beginning and God only healed one? Was that actually a miracle after all? My heart landed on “God healed him from Trisomy 18 and I don’t know about the rest of it”.

And since that diagnosis, Asa has walked quite the path with us right by his side. We experience mere emotional pain as he experiences the physical pain. So many invasive surgeries, appointments and specialists, tests and blood draws, discomfort and pain. It’s not the healing I asked for after he was born and it’s not the healing I’ve asked for the 15 months he’s been with us.

The difficult part about asking for a miracle is that it might not play out the way we’d like it to. We ask in desperation for “now” because we believe we’ve asked long enough, or hard enough, or that it’s a good-hearted request. But what if healing comes in the process? What if it comes in the journey of getting your miracle?  WHAT IF THE PROCESS IS THE MIRACLE? What if the transformation of our hearts in the process is such an incredible treasure that by the time healing happens (whichever way it does), we look back and we’re thankful for that road we just walked.

If I could change Asa’s circumstances, I’m not sure that I would. I mean, yes of course in the sense of taking away all the pain he’s experienced. But the journey we’ve been on has been beautiful. F-ing hard, but beautiful. The people we were before Asa are almost unrecognizable. The depths of God we’ve discovered would have been shallow waters without Asa. We’re in the process of a miracle. Healing will come, most likely not the way we want it to, but it will come.

I do not believe Asa was purposefully born with these conditions to teach us a lesson or to grow us the way it has. In my opinion, that wouldn’t be fair to Asa. When people say such things it makes it seem like Asa had to experience all that he has FOR us. I think Asa was dealt a shitty deck of cards. But is God using all of it? 1,000% yes. Asa’s contribution to our family will far exceed the quantity of his life. He will forever be intertwined with each of us and even our future children simply because he is so incredibly loved.

So here we are, taking life one day at a time, in the process of our miracle.

Thanks for following along.